10:06PM.

We’ve spent the last week packing and moving everything we have. My sister will be moving in to a house with her partner 15 minutes away. I will be moving across the country.

I’m currently laying on an air mattress in a quiet, dark, empty living room, covered with an assortment of throw blankets. I have the window cracked to let some fresh cool air in and the fire going to my left for some lighting and ambiance.

My car is fully packed and waiting for me to pull it out of the garage in less than 12 hours. My best friend called me and is extremely excited to fly in to drive across the country with me. I am too.

It’s bittersweet, though. The gratitude I have for this place, for my sister, for my friends (who eventually turned into my family). I feel like I’ve made a new home, like I’ve begun to grow a roots here. I am so incredibly happy I made the decision to come out here when I did. The growing I’ve been able to do, the strength that I’ve discovered, the healing from my past that has allowed me to be able to love and support those around me better than I have ever been able to.

I’m going to miss living out here. I’m going to miss living with my sister, including Bowser the dog. Gosh, I don’t think I could’ve done it for as long as I did without him. Good ol’ boy. He’s turned 12 this year, and honestly the thought that tomorrow morning might be last time I see him makes me sad.

The friends I’ve made up here all welcomed me in with open arms and have shared how much they’ve appreciated me here, and while I ever grateful for them, I know it’s just the beginning of our story together. Same for my sister. Same for everyone involved.

I believe that moving back here in the future is in the cards, but I feel like moving back to my home state will really help me with my direction in life. I want to pursue an engineering degree in a year’s time, and if that dream becomes reality, that can take me anywhere I’d like.

There’s a lot going through my head right now. Between making sure nothing is getting left behind to planning a cross-country route, to what my career plan is for the next year or five to how I should go about finding a girlfriend. I have to make all my rounds with my old friends once I arrive. I have to take time to see the parents. Luckily I have my job lined up already so that is a pressure I don’t have to worry about.

I feel as though I take a very cautious and meticulous approach to life. I want to make sure I have as clear of an outline as I can going through life. Something that I can keep coming back to to help me stay on track. Do I need a track? Do I need an outline? It makes me feel more secure, like I can mentally envision the process. The irony comes from the fact that life can throw a curveball at any minute and the plan/outline that you’re following can become irrelevant in an instant. But if that curveball comes my way, you better believe I’ll be forming a new outline.

I’m scared to fall asleep. Once I wake up, the adventure starts. The world awaits. I need to keep in mind to continue to ground myself. Remember to breathe, center myself, love myself.

Here’s to the future!